How CrossFit Cracked My Ego

BEFORE YOU READ ⬇️

(In the chance that you have, as I did, preconceived notions about CrossFit that might make you want to stop reading immediately after the title of this post (or the subject line of this email) a and file this away under “Another CrossFitter Has To Tell Us About CrossFitting, Cool”—

please trust me when I say: this is really not about CrossFit. CrossFit was just the vehicle for this particular learning experience. Please don’t dip out yet.

Ok, onward!)

Prior to June 2022 (as in, 5 months ago) I had not only never done CrossFit, I had also been pretty explicit about not doing CrossFit because it seemed too “trendy” and, honestly, kinda chaotic from my perspective.

As someone who inherently seeks against-the-grain experiences, CrossFit seemed much too with the grain for me— too predictable and cliché for this “Look How Unique I Am But Don’t Point It Out To Me” gal.

And as someone not only not competitive but borderline *triggered* by competition— (I’m talking crying in every game of front yard capture the flag)— these weird 7-minute AMRAPs (As Many Rounds As Possible) and “Max Cal” (calorie) events never really piqued my interest.

But alas, lonely and bored in my corporate gym of classic bros and people doing weird sh*t on the cable towers, I pretty much just closed my eyes and clenched my teeth as I scheduled a consult at a local CrossFit gym here in Fort Worth.

Just show up, just listen to what it’s all about. You’re not committing to anything by having a consult, I told myself on the drive there.

A week later, I shamefully admitted to my husband I had joined a CrossFit gym.

(He has since taken immense pleasure in joking—at every opportunity— that he’s married to a vegan CrossFitter. I am not vegan, for the record, but apparently if you eat tofu you’re a vegan to my man, so I let him have his fun.)

Five months later, I not only have absolutely no shame about being a CrossFitter, but I also have such a deep appreciation and understanding for the culture and community that CrossFit has created, and I’ve learned and stretched and grown so much more than I anticipated.

→ I’ve learned how wrong my preconceived notions were.

→ I’ve learned how powerful the stories in our heads can be, and I’ve felt sad for how long my stories about CrossFit had kept me from giving it a chance.

→ I’ve learned how much other people could care about your growth and strength, irrespective of their own.

→ I’ve learned, in turn, how to care more about other people’s growth, rather than always running around seeing how I measured up to the world.

→ I’ve learned new limits of my capacity, new abilities I didn’t know I had, and new levels of personal drive I had previously assumed didn’t exist for me.

Listen, even though this very much sounds like it’s about CrossFit— it’s really not about CrossFit.

It’s about the courage to try new things.

It’s about the willingness to engage with the messy goo that makes life life.

It’s about trusting that by enduring a little friction now, you will reap rewards that make the awkwardness, fear & discomfort far worth it.

It’s about the respect for your own potential, and the willingness to do hard, scary things out of that respect.

We serve only our Egos when we sit on the sidelines and preserve our image, fearful of “looking stupid” or making mistakes.

We honor only the superficial layer of our Self that we present to the world when we try to keep our hands clean and faces clear of the dust and dirt that might arise out of choosing to truly engage with life.

And we not only serve and honor something higher—our true Self— when we dive in and are willing to get messy, but we also give others permission to do the same. And then suddenly, we look around and see, finally, that we’re all just here trying to figure things out.

Preserving a pretty, presentable facade does nothing for anyone but the person you think the world is seeing you as.

And that person is completely fictional. That is Ego.

It doesn’t have to be CrossFit.

It doesn’t have to be anything “intense” or competitive.

It doesn’t even have to be an activity.

It can be a conversation, a community, a book, a movie, a club.

But out of respect for your own deep potential, and out of the same respect for others’ ability to experience their own potential— go engage with the messy goo of life.

For everyone’s sake, let’s stop bowing down to our Egos.