Mind Your Business.

There is an issue plaguing our population every single day. It’s the disease of not minding your damn business. And for some reason, it’s gotten especially out of hand when it comes to WOMEN giving other WOMEN “advice”. 

There is a purpose in imparting wisdom to the younger generation so that they don’t make the same mistakes that older generations have made. But there is also a time and a place for advice to be passed along, and most of the time it’s from distant relatives or strangers and is not given at the right time or place.

Do you find yourself fighting the urge to give tips and advice to others, even though they haven’t asked for it? Well, I hate to tell you my friend but you might be part of the problem. To you, it might be helpful and you mean well. But to them, it might be another lecture on top of all the other things they are dealing with.

Advice might come from a helpful, caring place, but more often than not if you aren’t asked for it then it’s just you giving your unsolicited opinion, disguised as advice. Other women are going to live their lives very differently than you choose to live yours, and that is totally fine. Just because one woman chooses to parent differently than you, speak differently, dress differently, prioritize different things than you, it doesn’t make what she is doing wrong. 

While sometimes lending a helping hand is ACTUALLY helpful, giving unsolicited advice based on snap judgments can do the opposite. 

See a frustrated Mom at her wits end at the grocery store trying to wrangle her three kids? Instead of giving her unsolicited advice on how to parent her children, how about offering a comforting smile and a word of encouragement? Something like, “I remember those days, and you’re doing great.” Does that Mom need your advice right now? Probably not. What she needs is compassion, and a little bit of grace. That will have a much more positive impact than advice given out of judgment for how she is parenting her children, when you have no idea what she is dealing with in her everyday life.  

The amount of unsolicited advice that I have gotten in my life is astonishing.

How much have I asked for? None.

How much of this advice was from other women? Almost 100%. 

When I had my first miscarriage, I was told that it was probably because I continued to do CrossFit and lift weights, and that I should be doing absolutely nothing when I get pregnant again. I wasn’t told this by doctors, or by medical professionals (in fact that had literally nothing to do with it), but by other women who decided that they were going to give me “advice”. That they were going to “help” me.

Did that help me? Absolutely not. Instead it made me feel guilty and judged. Like I had done something wrong.

There is a time for advice, and there is a time for encouragement and support. Being able to decipher when advice is appropriate and necessary is a skill that we all need to work on.  

The next time you see someone struggling and doing something you would be doing differently, how about taking a different approach? Approach them with compassion and support, instead of telling them what they could be doing better.

Women should support each other, and sometimes that means just being kind to each other and minding our damn business.