Get Comfortable Saying No

As girls, we are taught to be agreeable and helpful. Afterall, it’s the polite thing to do. Whether that’s from our own upbringing, society, or all the above- most women like to help others and tend to put themselves last. Prioritizing ourselves would be selfish. 

This desire to help and please others can lead us to saying yes to things we might not always want to do. “No” is an ugly word. But when it costs us our own happiness, why do we still shy away from those two little letters? 

I have ALWAYS been a yes woman. My goal in life is to help people and make people happy, so why wouldn’t I say yes? But those yes’s often came at a cost. The cost of my own happiness, my own free time and my own sanity. Constantly saying yes to people led me to be overworked, overwhelmed and feeling like people were taking advantage of me. That’s the problem with being a “yes” person, people learn that you will always say yes. So they will continue to ask for more and more and you will continue to internalize your anger and frustration, all while still putting on a smile and saying yes. So what I thought was me being helpful and polite, was really just me hurting myself. 

So I started saying NO. 

If it meant bending over backwards or stretching myself too thin to make something happen, I started saying no. This was a hard pill for me to swallow, and I’m sure a hard pill for the people in my life who were used to me being a yes person. But you know what happened? I felt in control of my life for the first time in years. I felt freedom without feeling obligation. 

Unfortunately, a hard time in my life was the catalyst for this change. It made me reflect on what I was and was not mentally able to take on. I started to focus on myself instead of focusing on others. This hardship also helped me to learn that I needed to avoid scenarios that set me up for failure. If it meant saying yes to something that would make my life more difficult, I just acknowledged that I did not have the mental bandwidth to deal with it. Protecting my mental health was more important than anything, and that was the first time in my life that I truly realized that. 

This isn’t me saying- ignore everyone else in your life’s needs. Not the case at all! You can (and should) be there to help the people you love. 

I’m simply saying: prioritize yourself. If something you are asked to do won’t serve you mentally, physically or emotionally- say no. No went from an ugly word, to a beautiful word in my world. It helped me show others my boundaries, helped me to set myself up for success emotionally, and it let me feel like I was in control of what I would and wouldn’t do.

So the next time your boss asks you to do something that is outside of your job description, the next time a family member asks you for an unreasonable favor, or you get invited to something you just genuinely don’t want to go to: say no. You’d be surprised how good it feels.